Episode 33: Dating Feminists

Episode 33: Dating Feminists


I've been single for more or less ever and needed a place to talk with my crew about the woof woof woes of living in the world of dating. I spoke to my fellow single and looking friend Amy, the "it's complicated - I'm in a thing but we're not exclusive but I wouldn't sleep with someone else" Angelica, taken but casually Zee, as well as Roberta who dates multiple people and is seeing someone but they're not and probably won't be official. Dating is a complex motherfucker and I wanted to see how my fellow feminists do it to see if I could learn anything.

I talked to these queens about using or not using dating apps like tinder, bumble, hinge, her. How you measure a partner's "wokeness" before meeting or during dates. Where to go on dates. What not to do on dates. et-fricken-cetera. 

Let us know how you date as an intersectional feminist!

xx Peggy


Beats used in this episode:

  • "Someone To Call My Lover" - Janet Jackson
  • "Single Ladies" - Beyonce
  • "32 Flavours" - Ani DiFranco
  • "Date With The Night" - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
  • "No Scrub" - TLC
  • "I Like You So Much Better When You’re Naked" - Ida Maria
  • "Worship" - Lizzo
  • "One Evening" - Feist
  • "Love On The Brain" - Rihanna

Training Bro: Let's Talk About Aziz

Training Bro

The ladies of T.O.FemCo have a new segment called Training Bro, where we talk to boys/men/dudes/bros of all kinds about a particular issue, problem, scandal, question, or whatever. 

I came up with the idea when I was (very casually) seeing a guy (Paul, a pseudonym) who considered and proudly called himself a "cuter version of Aziz." He is a "creative" who loves pasta, is very cute, aaaaand he's of South Asian descent. When January befell us like the piece of shit month that it is, babe.net published this story from a woman who went on a date with Aziz Ansari and it turned gross. After reading the story I called my boo of the moment and asked him if I could interview him about what it felt like knowing his feminist South Asian icon Aziz had shown his true colours. Luckily, he said yes. 

If you don't know, Aziz Ansari is a comedian, writer, director and "feminist" known for playing Tom Haverford on NBC's Parks and Recreation and writing, directing and starring in his own Emmy-winning Netflix show Master of None. He wrote a book about dating in the modern world, Modern Romance: An Investigation 2015. (This book just so happened to be on Paul's bedside table). 

This fall, Aziz won the Best Actor in a TV comedy Golden Globe making him the first Asian-American actor ever to win a Golden Globe for acting in television. That same night he met a woman at an after party. They hit it off and planned to go out when they were both back in New York. What unfolded was the terrible/uncomfortable/unsettling/creepy date where Aziz pressured Grace (a pseudonym) to go down on him and have sex when she explicitly said she didn't want to that is described in Katie Way's babe.net story. If you haven't read it, have yourself an upsetting half hour and give it a read

As I mentioned before, Aziz is a self-identified feminist. In 2015 he said this about sexual harassment and sexism while talking to David Letterman: 
"I thought it was interesting that this is happening, yet so many people are unaware of it. And the problem is people aren't talking about it. What I've learned, as a guy, is to just ask women questions and listen to what they have to say. Go to your group of female friends and ask them about times they've experienced sexism at their job, and you'll get blown away by the things they tell you."

Reading that quote after reading Grace's account of what happened on her date with Aziz makes me so angry. So many guys love to pretend that they care when it's all total crap. The problem is that they believe their own story. They believe they are the solution, not the problem. They believe and want you to jump onboard their "woke-bae" penis and ride it into intersectional feminist bliss. 

I was excited and nervous when Paul agreed to let me interview him and what came out was an interesting and honest talk about representation and about misogyny. I give the controversial statement that I don't think and that I don't want Aziz to be done making shit cause I love his shit. I believe he can change and see how fucked up his actions were. I believe that this testimonial from a badass woman who asserted herself has and will change the conversation about power in relationships and gender roles. And I believe and I hope that Aziz wants to be better and change. Only time will tell. 

At this point Paul and I have long parted ways but I'd like to thank him for sitting down and having a conversation, for being honest and allowing his vulnerability show.  

xo Peggy

P.S. -- Let us know what you think of the new episode and if you've experienced something similar to the date Grace had with Aziz. I know I have. 

A-Cup: Street Needs Assessment

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Alert! Alert! Your city needs you! On April 26, the City of Toronto is conducting a street needs assessment of the homeless population. A street needs assessment includes a point in time count and a 23-question survey of those living outside and/or in shelters. They need volunteers to conduct the survey inside shelters and outdoors with a team lead. A team lead is a person experienced working with people who are homeless and is volunteering their time for the night. The assessment will take place 4:30pm-11pm indoors and 5m-midnight outdoors. There is a training component but it takes place online. Also, you can go here to sign up online! Anne and Peggy will be there so you should too! This is a great way to support your community. 

Episode 32: Sex Positivity

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We are thrilled to be back for round 3 of the podcast and are just jazzed, or should I say jizzed, to have you back with us. On this week's show, Anne and Peggy get sexed up and talk about sex positivity. They talk about their own sexual histories of awakenings, explorations, and masturbations. They also talked about how great the new Ontario sex ed curriculum is. Check it out here.

As both women were late bloomers, their first experiences with sex and understanding their bodies were all over the place. Talking about sex is hard and there is no one way to do it, just like having sex. We at T.O.FemCo consider ourselves lucky to feel comfortable having, discussing, and learning about sex. That's why this was our first episode of the season.